Yupz. From the title u may think I have become a Christian but sorry to say... I not. But... I don't know... I don't know what I want... I feel that sometimes I really need God's help.. And these few days... I really have been praying... For myself... For the ppl around... I don't know.. These few days the house have been really really quiet... That it really really freaks me out... It is always just me and mummy... But sometimes I do thank God for that...

Well... Things have their positive and negative sides I guess.. The negative side is that my bros are gone... I feel a bit empty inside.... I feel that my pillars of support are gone... And that sometimes I really do feel very lonely inside. But today I realised something... I'm not the only one that is affected by this... Everybody in my family is. The past few days I have been thinking abt myself... And I didn't think abt the other ppl in my family. I feel that mummy is most affected by it... I don't know... Usually I always complain that she keeps nagging at me and stuff... Like not eating breakfast, recess... And all the usually stuff that she always say... Every time I go out... She always say... Look out for cars arh! Lolz. I always laugh when she says that line... But yeah... She still treats me like a small kid... And I'm glad that I'm still a small kid in her eyes...

So yeah.. The positive side is that these few days... Our relationship grew closer... I guess cause we always have to face each other at home... And I guess... She sort of know that I'm feeling sad.. stress and stuff... And I can sense that she tries not to scold me...Yeah... Today... We have a very weird talk in the car... We were talking abt how mummy would be if I wasn't born... She did not plan to have me in the first place... Lolz. I'm serious! She say if I was a guy... She may not have wanted me! O.o. Lolz. But I think she is joking la... And my bros also makes fun of me by telling mummy in the end u still gave birth to a guy! Whatever ok! Lolz. Mummy said something that I don't think she ever said it to me... I'm glad I gave birth to you.... I don't know why I felt very happy when I heard that... We are seriously not use to saying mushy stuff to each other... And I was always feel very uneasy when I hear this kind of stuff... But today I felt happy inside... Then I realised the age gap between me and mummy is quite large... 36 years... That's a lot... I think I just indirectly said mummy age... But yeah... And mummy told me how scared she was when she had me... Cause I may have defects and stuff... So she went for check-ups and I turn out to be a healthy baby... But when I came out I still had two holes in my heart... And at that point of time she was seriously very scared...

I know how much mummy cares about me... And sometimes she may want to hear "I love you" Or something like that... Even though she doesn't show it... But to me.. I don't know why... It is very difficult to say I love you to someone face to face.... Cause... I don't know.. I just not that type of person... So yeah... But I'm going to show my love for her through actions? By listening to her? So the first thing I guess is to EAT BREAKFAST! And recess sometimes? Start with breakfast first la...And just make her less worried. And second is seriously just showing more care? I feel that she is feels very lonely inside too.. Cause these few days I have been studying and stuff... And she doesn't want to disturb me... So yeah... So after the holis I will go out with her? And just spend more time with her! =D. Yupz. I have already started today.. To show more care to her... And I just pray to God that I will continue! =D

Yupz. I pray for a lot of stuff... But some stuff cannot be mention here... So I will just keep the rest to myself! =D