A new stage.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

"Sometimes, Life kinda just swooshes over our heads and it's easy to lose sight of purpose and meaning. Things just happen and we become reactionary or worse, apathetic- like a horde of the Living dead.

That we forgot to be Grateful for all the good things and good ppl that have chosen to join us on our Journey.

Some have left, others have joined, but the Heart of Thankfulness remains."

Heyz ppl! I guess whatever I quoted is what I have to learn.... It really describes how I'm now... Forgetting all the good things and good ppl. Just focusing too much on the negative stuff? Idk. I just know I'm not thankful for anything... So I guess that is something I have to learn.

I just realised that my previous post was really emo... And yeah. I didn't notice that. Cause... I just wrote that whatever I felt at that point of time. Yeah. All I want to say is THANKS to those who cares.. And u guys really save me I guess. Even though some of u don't know... That ur little actions is pulling me out and just saving me. Yupz. I'm going to try to trust God again... Idk how it will work out.. But yeah. I can't promise anything...

Today... I reflected a lot on my life... First of all.... During song analysis... I kinda of related to some of the songs... Like.... Katy Perry... I'm still breathing... Idk why... I can relate to it... But I didn't try killing myself as many times as she did... But I really did thought of like ways to just end my life the quickest and no pain... Idk la.

Second... Esse ask me and neeyen to go to some Christian gathering thingy after sch... It got me to really think abt who I really am. Like if u ask me Who am I?... I really can't answer u. I don't know who I really am... Cause I feel that half the time... I'm pretending to be someone else... I don't know my purpose in life... I don't know what exactly am I living for... All I see is that at the end of this life... It lies death. Which quoted for the 9pm show... Death is just the time when I stop breathing... Death to me now... Doesn't feel so scary... At the end of the day... Death is what everyone has to face. It is just whether u face it earlier or later? Okies... Does that sound really emo? Yeah.

So when doing cip... Questions and questions were just flowing through my brain... The thing that I was thinking most abt was friendship. Somehow I feel that I suck at handling friendship. Like I just get so caught up with life don't know what... That I drift apart from ppl really easier. Like in one day... We can be total strangers. Which really breaks my heart? There are a few frens in my life who I really do care for... But somehow... I'm drifting apart from those who I really care...This doesn't apply to all... But there are still a few who I really want to be an important part of their life... But somehow... We are just drifting apart... But it's okies I guess... I will still care for them... And hope that when they are facing troubles... Or feel that they are not important.... They will realised that they are a very important part in my life.

Okies... I don't really get what I'm writing already. I'm very sleepy... But still need to finish hw. I'm so not studying even though I say I will start this week. Haiz. But I will preserve! And maybe I will really start studying this week. :D

I'm not going to read through what I wrote... So if there are any mistakes.. Just pretend that it's correct! haha! :P

11:49 PM